Week 7: Structure; Profile; Lecture

Deceitfully Charming

It’s getting harder and harder to see anything but anger in him. His mental illness is taking more control of him by the day. His outbursts are fast, furious, and frequent. His new girlfriend, Melissa, keeps her eyes to the floor. The stony look to his face, the fast yet, almost lurching, steps. The cold, dead eyes. Those eyes…

About a month ago Melissa's aunt was in Wal-mart. She saw them, tried to talk to them, but he rushed Melissa off before she could get close. Before he did, Aunty saw the black eye.

 He storms into the house, pissed off that the cops had been called again. As he enters the room the dog, a Sheppard mix, cowers and urinates on the floor in fear. 

"What the Fuck!" He screams at the dog as he punches him in the head over and over. When he is done the dog is on the floor with blood coming out of his mouth.

“There! You fucking mutt! Piss on the floor again.” Melissa’s six year old

daughter covers her ears and closes her eyes.

Three years earlier… He strolls into the restaurant, head held high.  His posture is perfect. His smile is dazzling.  He takes a seat at the bar and smiles at the cook. She blushes, he is cute. He comes back every day to see her. He is always complimenting her, never anything but perfectly sweet.  People look at him and many immediately find there is something wrong. Something is off a little bit there. The cook doesn’t see it; all she sees is a handsome man who is genuinely interested in her for her. 

She places the back of the rocking chair under the door handle so when he tries to get in the door is jammed. He bangs on the door.
 "I'm going to blow your fucking head off! You fucking cunt! Open the fucking door! I’ll come through this fucking door! Open the door!" She cradles her infant son, singing the Itsy Bitsy Spider, never taking her eyes off the door, praying he won't get in.

He dislikes being alone, he needs someone with him. It’s not hard for him to find a girl. His looks do a lot. Easy on the eyes, hard on the heart and sanity. When he spots someone that interests him  he turns on the charm. Sweetness pours out of him like a fountain. But it’s not real. What he really is doesn’t show right away. He has the ability to maintain a certain level of decency while in public, but that ability is fading more and more and he is becoming desperate. Desperate to gain control of anyone he can. He uses the same skill with them all. The stories are the same, the abuse is the same, his hatred is the same. In the beginning he is always Deceitfully Charming. Then he cuts you off from everyone you love and slowly tears you apart.

week 5 Week 5. Adult memoir.

 I stopped and stared at my son in shock. Did that really just happen? Really?! "Oh my god."

 As soon as he got up that morning I knew it was going to be a bad day... again. You’d think me asking him to go pee was the end of the world! Oh and wow, he actually has to flush the toilet? What kind of mother am I?

"We need to go soon. It’s time to get dressed so we can go to school." As soon as the words were out of my mouth his face changed. By now, I know what that look means.

"Oh don't even start! I told you it was almost time to go and you said ok! Let's go! It's time to get ready!" Too late, the wail had already started and gigantic tears had already welled up in his eyes. How the hell do they cry on command like that? He likes school! How can he possibly be that upset over going? I wish we could just have one morning where everything just… goes right!

"But I don't want to go to school! I want to watch a mooovie!" Already he is crying so hard that his voice has turned into an almost unintelligible whine. There is nothing more annoying than the whine of a child who is doing it only to piss you off because they “don’t wanna”. The worst part is it’s only my own kid that does it to me. Never have I ever met a kid as difficult for me to handle as him. Nearly impossible at times, and I’m not proud of it. It downright sucks!

"It's time to go to school. We have to get ready. Johnny we do this every day!" His face, screwed up into a leaking little ball now, lets out an ear piercing screech that makes me cringe.

"Nooo!" Running over to the television he puts his finger on the power button. I just look at him and shake my head. He knows he is getting me mad! Why does he do that? Stomping his feet he presses the button. Oh buddy, you just pressed more than one button! Why can’t he just be good? Why do we always have to fight!

"Johnny, let’s go. It’s time to go to school!" Don't get mad, don't get mad... Every day! Every friggin day! I close my eyes and take a couple of breaths. I love him I do, but that sound. Oh I hate that sound. If he were crying because he was hurt or scared, that would be one thing… but this? I’m just so tired of this. All we ever do is fight! About everything! Fight! Fight! Fight! Whine! Whine! Whine! 

"Johnny stop crying, come here, and I’ll help you get dressed." Letting out another ear piercing screech, he throws himself on the floor. Gritting my teeth, I try to keep from grabbing him and making him get dressed. I wouldn’t have been given that luxury when I was little! My rotten little butt would have promptly met the business end of a hand, belt… whatever was handy. Is it right? No. Did it work? Most of the time it did.  

"If you don't get over here right now, stop crying, and get dressed," I take a step closer, "I'm going to give you something to cry about. Instantly I Stopped and stared at my son in shock. Did that really just happen? Really?!

"Oh my God." I couldn't help but drop my eyes to the floor and turn away. I had done the unthinkable. I know he is being nothing but a rotten little brat right now, but holy shit. Holy fucking shit. I just reminded myself of my mother… God help me.