I am nine years old. My father and I are hunting for deer. We've been out here all day and now it’s starting to get dark, so we are going back to the pickup.
"Daddy my legs hurt." I whine, feeling very sick of walking and ready to go home and play Mario.
"We're almost there. See?" He says as we come out into the big field. I can see the pickup now and grin.
“Finally!” We walk to the truck and get in. Dad says we have a few more minutes until we can’t hunt no more. We sit in the truck looking out the window, he hoping a deer comes out, me hoping one doesn’t. I don’t want them to get hurt, but I like going with Dad.
“Hey TJ” dad says, and then stops for a minute. “I want to talk to you about something.”
“Ok” I look at him waiting. He runs his hand through his hair then starts to talk.
“I have something to tell you that I think you should know TJ. It’s not easy and I wish it wasn’t true.” I look at him, not having a clue what in the world he is talking about.
“What dad?”
“I just… I just think you should know. I wanted to adopt you, but it just never happened.”
“What?” What is he trying to tell me?
“Before I met your mom she was with a different guy.”
“Oh! Tony’s dad?”
“No this was a different guy. When she was with him she got pregnant. They didn’t get along and she left him. Then I met your mom. When I met her she was pregnant with you and I have been your dad ever since. But, TJ, I’m not your real dad.” I just look at him. What is he talking about? Not my dad?
“But why? How come you can’t be my real dad? I don’t want a different dad.” He looks at me and I am surprised to see his eyes are wet, like he is going to cry.
“You are not going to get a different dad. He is not a nice man. I will always be your dad. Always. I just think you should know about it.” I look at him then get worried.
“Does mom know? Is she gonna be mad?” He laughs.
“Yes she knows” he laughs some more. “When you get home ask your mom who John is and she will tell you all about it. Are you ready to go home?” I look at him for a minute then just nod my head. We drive home and when we go in my mom is setting the table for us.
“Mom… who is John?” her head snaps up and she looks from me to my dad.
“What are you talking about?” Now I’m confused. Dad said she would know.
“My real dad? Dad said I have a different dad.” Her head turns toward my father.
“You ignorant mother fucker. Tara go to your room.” I look at my dad who just shakes his head and then head towards my room. I don’t even get all the way down the hall before I hear my mom.
“Who the fuck do you think you are? You have no right! You have no fucking right! She doesn’t need to fucking know about it!” I shut my door, sit on my bed and wish I had only one dad... and supper.
Monday, September 26, 2011
week 3 travel
"Which way do we go?" I ask as we come to yet another intersection. Stephanie looks in every direction.
"I don't know... let’s just go... this way?" I continue to go straight, trying to ignore the fact that my teeth are chattering so hard it feels like they are going to shatter. I have no idea how long we have been riding, but it’s dark now. Its dark and it freezing!
"Oh man, I wonder if they are looking for us." Stephanie said as I stop because our path turns into a y.
"Geez, now which way do we go? I have no friggin idea where we are. Do you think we are still in Oakfield?" She laughs at that.
"I don't have a clue! I know my fucking hands are cold though." I only nod; my hands are pretty cold too. Wish I had that other pair of gloves right now! We decide to go right and continue on our way. The snow glistens in our dim headlight. If I weren’t so scared of running out of being lost I might actually enjoy it.
“Go faster, it’s a straight away.” I go faster. The trails just keep going and going. We have taken so many turns, who knows we probably have gone on the same trail a million times. Could be going in circles for all we know. All of the sudden it’s like the trail disappears from under us. As I fly through the air I see Stephanie land on her head, and the snow sled spins into the ground, landing right on its nose. I get up, a little shaky.
“Oh god, oh god, oh god! Are you OK? Stephanie! Stephanie are you ok?” She looks at me with a blank expression for a second.
“OH SHIT! Sterling’s sled!” I help her up and we go to the sled. I actually wish I had a camera right now, because the sled is literally sticking straight up out of the snow. We grab onto the sled with our freezing hands and pull with what little energy we have. Finally it comes free. Stephanie tries to get it started, but it just sputters.
“Let’s wait a minute and try again. I sit on the sled and light up a smoke.” Stephanie looks at me for a minute then sits next to me.
“Can I have one?”
“No.” She looks at me in disbelief. I laugh and hand her one. After we finish our cigarettes I try to get the sled started. After a couple tries it starts. Thank God! Stephanie decides since I wrecked us that she would drive. In my defense, it really was quite a little drop off from what appeared to be only a little hill.
We get back on the sled and start on the trail again. After what seemed like hours we came to a sign that had been spray painted red and black. Stephanie practically screams in excitement.
“AHH! I know where we are! It should only take about forty five minutes to home from here!”
I’m so happy I could cry. But, of course our luck can’t be that good can it. Not long after we pass the sign, the sled starts to sputter. Then it dies.
“What the fuck!” Stephanie says as she looks down at it. “Oh no! We are out of gas, and we still have a long fucking way to go!” I have no idea what time it is, but it has to be late.
“They must be looking for us by now, right?” I looked at for a minute before she answered.
“Dad will be looking for us. But, they only have one sled because we have Sterling’s. They won’t have any idea which way we went.” To add insult to injury it starts to snow.
“Oh great!” I said as the snow lands on us. “Should we walk?” She just nods and we start walking down the trail.
We must have walked for a good hour before we heard the sled. We both freeze where we are and listen. About a minute later we see the headlight. It was Stephanie’s dad.
“Jesus! We have been looking for you two for hours! Let me guess you ran out of gas?”
“Yes, the sled is back there, a ways.” Stephanie points back the way we had come.
“Get on, I have gas, I figured you would need it. Let’s go get the sled and get you girls home.” We climb on the sled and go to retrieve Sterling’s sled. We follow her dad home.
We pull into her driveway and her mother, sister and brother come outside. I tell Sterling that I crashed his sled. He goes and inspects it to find that it is cracked from the top of the windshield all the way to the bottom, on the front.
“I am so sorry!” He laughs.
“It’s ok, really. I’m just glad you guys are ok.”
We go inside and sit down at the table. Stephanie’s mother starts to laugh.
“What?” Stephanie asks. Her mother grins.
“You guys must be pretty cold. You have icicles hanging from your eyelashes!”
"I don't know... let’s just go... this way?" I continue to go straight, trying to ignore the fact that my teeth are chattering so hard it feels like they are going to shatter. I have no idea how long we have been riding, but it’s dark now. Its dark and it freezing!
"Oh man, I wonder if they are looking for us." Stephanie said as I stop because our path turns into a y.
"Geez, now which way do we go? I have no friggin idea where we are. Do you think we are still in Oakfield?" She laughs at that.
"I don't have a clue! I know my fucking hands are cold though." I only nod; my hands are pretty cold too. Wish I had that other pair of gloves right now! We decide to go right and continue on our way. The snow glistens in our dim headlight. If I weren’t so scared of running out of being lost I might actually enjoy it.
“Go faster, it’s a straight away.” I go faster. The trails just keep going and going. We have taken so many turns, who knows we probably have gone on the same trail a million times. Could be going in circles for all we know. All of the sudden it’s like the trail disappears from under us. As I fly through the air I see Stephanie land on her head, and the snow sled spins into the ground, landing right on its nose. I get up, a little shaky.
“Oh god, oh god, oh god! Are you OK? Stephanie! Stephanie are you ok?” She looks at me with a blank expression for a second.
“OH SHIT! Sterling’s sled!” I help her up and we go to the sled. I actually wish I had a camera right now, because the sled is literally sticking straight up out of the snow. We grab onto the sled with our freezing hands and pull with what little energy we have. Finally it comes free. Stephanie tries to get it started, but it just sputters.
“Let’s wait a minute and try again. I sit on the sled and light up a smoke.” Stephanie looks at me for a minute then sits next to me.
“Can I have one?”
“No.” She looks at me in disbelief. I laugh and hand her one. After we finish our cigarettes I try to get the sled started. After a couple tries it starts. Thank God! Stephanie decides since I wrecked us that she would drive. In my defense, it really was quite a little drop off from what appeared to be only a little hill.
We get back on the sled and start on the trail again. After what seemed like hours we came to a sign that had been spray painted red and black. Stephanie practically screams in excitement.
“AHH! I know where we are! It should only take about forty five minutes to home from here!”
I’m so happy I could cry. But, of course our luck can’t be that good can it. Not long after we pass the sign, the sled starts to sputter. Then it dies.
“What the fuck!” Stephanie says as she looks down at it. “Oh no! We are out of gas, and we still have a long fucking way to go!” I have no idea what time it is, but it has to be late.
“They must be looking for us by now, right?” I looked at for a minute before she answered.
“Dad will be looking for us. But, they only have one sled because we have Sterling’s. They won’t have any idea which way we went.” To add insult to injury it starts to snow.
“Oh great!” I said as the snow lands on us. “Should we walk?” She just nods and we start walking down the trail.
We must have walked for a good hour before we heard the sled. We both freeze where we are and listen. About a minute later we see the headlight. It was Stephanie’s dad.
“Jesus! We have been looking for you two for hours! Let me guess you ran out of gas?”
“Yes, the sled is back there, a ways.” Stephanie points back the way we had come.
“Get on, I have gas, I figured you would need it. Let’s go get the sled and get you girls home.” We climb on the sled and go to retrieve Sterling’s sled. We follow her dad home.
We pull into her driveway and her mother, sister and brother come outside. I tell Sterling that I crashed his sled. He goes and inspects it to find that it is cracked from the top of the windshield all the way to the bottom, on the front.
“I am so sorry!” He laughs.
“It’s ok, really. I’m just glad you guys are ok.”
We go inside and sit down at the table. Stephanie’s mother starts to laugh.
“What?” Stephanie asks. Her mother grins.
“You guys must be pretty cold. You have icicles hanging from your eyelashes!”
Thursday, September 8, 2011
week 1 Nature
Standing on my porch I watch the clouds float through the brilliant sea of reds from the sunset. Looking along the tree tops I see the huge plume of smoke billowing up from the power plant. Disgusting, it makes me think of that cartoon that’s on late at night, The Oblongs. It’s about a family that is deformed and disabled due to pollution and radiation exposure.
I think of the power plant when it rains. I used to love to go in the rain. Now I just wonder what’s in it. Another thing I have noticed here is how different it smells after it rains. When you are right in Bangor, for example, it smells horrible after it rains. No one ever understands what I mean, but it does. Speaking of rain! When we got hit with what was left of hurricane Irene, I was outside watching the trees in the wind. A group of twenty or so birds were soaring in the air over me. They were flying against the wind so they really weren't going anywhere. It was the coolest thing! I was watching them wondering why in the world they weren't snuggled up to a tree, when all of the sudden they turned and flew in the other direction. Right behind them was the rain. A wall of rain chasing the birds!
Would it be horrible to say I was disappointed by Irene? I love storms, and was kind of hoping to get more. Not sure my neighbor would agree. A tree was blown over onto her car. I told my aunt about it and she simply said, "Yeah and hundreds of other people, so what." She has no sympathy. She had a totally different attitude when the tree came down in her yard and nearly took out her truck.
I have been riding in her truck since I was six years old. We used to go to her camp all the time when we were little. One time, my mother was driving and my aunt, my brothers and I were on back. All of the sudden we heard this really weird sound. The only way I could describe it would be to say it sounded like a thousand cricket all at once. Keep in mind I was a little kid. My aunt looks down over the side of the truck and hollers “GO Tracy GO! We’re losing air!”
My aunt has a sandy beach at her camp. One day my brothers and I were digging and found turtle eggs! Unfortunately one of them was cut in half. My aunt came over and buried the eggs again and told us to leave them alone. I sat there holding the egg we destroyed, not quite understanding what we had done. In my hand was a tiny turtle and blood. My aunt took the egg and turtle away and told me to go wash my hands in the lake. As I did I noticed something in the water. It was black and looked like a snake almost. I asked my aunt what it was and she said “It’s a leach. Pick it up and throw it in the fire.” So I picked it up, looked at it for a minute and went to the fire. When I tried to throw it in it was stuck to me! I couldn’t get it to come off! My aunt laughed and pulled it off. “You have to be quick.” She said as she threw it in the fire. “Now listen.” A few seconds later I heard a pop! So then my new game was to make the leaches go pop in the fire.
I think of the power plant when it rains. I used to love to go in the rain. Now I just wonder what’s in it. Another thing I have noticed here is how different it smells after it rains. When you are right in Bangor, for example, it smells horrible after it rains. No one ever understands what I mean, but it does. Speaking of rain! When we got hit with what was left of hurricane Irene, I was outside watching the trees in the wind. A group of twenty or so birds were soaring in the air over me. They were flying against the wind so they really weren't going anywhere. It was the coolest thing! I was watching them wondering why in the world they weren't snuggled up to a tree, when all of the sudden they turned and flew in the other direction. Right behind them was the rain. A wall of rain chasing the birds!
Would it be horrible to say I was disappointed by Irene? I love storms, and was kind of hoping to get more. Not sure my neighbor would agree. A tree was blown over onto her car. I told my aunt about it and she simply said, "Yeah and hundreds of other people, so what." She has no sympathy. She had a totally different attitude when the tree came down in her yard and nearly took out her truck.
I have been riding in her truck since I was six years old. We used to go to her camp all the time when we were little. One time, my mother was driving and my aunt, my brothers and I were on back. All of the sudden we heard this really weird sound. The only way I could describe it would be to say it sounded like a thousand cricket all at once. Keep in mind I was a little kid. My aunt looks down over the side of the truck and hollers “GO Tracy GO! We’re losing air!”
My aunt has a sandy beach at her camp. One day my brothers and I were digging and found turtle eggs! Unfortunately one of them was cut in half. My aunt came over and buried the eggs again and told us to leave them alone. I sat there holding the egg we destroyed, not quite understanding what we had done. In my hand was a tiny turtle and blood. My aunt took the egg and turtle away and told me to go wash my hands in the lake. As I did I noticed something in the water. It was black and looked like a snake almost. I asked my aunt what it was and she said “It’s a leach. Pick it up and throw it in the fire.” So I picked it up, looked at it for a minute and went to the fire. When I tried to throw it in it was stuck to me! I couldn’t get it to come off! My aunt laughed and pulled it off. “You have to be quick.” She said as she threw it in the fire. “Now listen.” A few seconds later I heard a pop! So then my new game was to make the leaches go pop in the fire.
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