I stopped and stared at my son in shock. Did that really just happen? Really?! "Oh my god."
As soon as he got up that morning I knew it was going to be a bad day... again. You’d think me asking him to go pee was the end of the world! Oh and wow, he actually has to flush the toilet? What kind of mother am I?
"We need to go soon. It’s time to get dressed so we can go to school." As soon as the words were out of my mouth his face changed. By now, I know what that look means.
"Oh don't even start! I told you it was almost time to go and you said ok! Let's go! It's time to get ready!" Too late, the wail had already started and gigantic tears had already welled up in his eyes. How the hell do they cry on command like that? He likes school! How can he possibly be that upset over going? I wish we could just have one morning where everything just… goes right!
"But I don't want to go to school! I want to watch a mooovie!" Already he is crying so hard that his voice has turned into an almost unintelligible whine. There is nothing more annoying than the whine of a child who is doing it only to piss you off because they “don’t wanna”. The worst part is it’s only my own kid that does it to me. Never have I ever met a kid as difficult for me to handle as him. Nearly impossible at times, and I’m not proud of it. It downright sucks!
"It's time to go to school. We have to get ready. Johnny we do this every day!" His face, screwed up into a leaking little ball now, lets out an ear piercing screech that makes me cringe.
"Nooo!" Running over to the television he puts his finger on the power button. I just look at him and shake my head. He knows he is getting me mad! Why does he do that? Stomping his feet he presses the button. Oh buddy, you just pressed more than one button! Why can’t he just be good? Why do we always have to fight!
"Johnny, let’s go. It’s time to go to school!" Don't get mad, don't get mad... Every day! Every friggin day! I close my eyes and take a couple of breaths. I love him I do, but that sound. Oh I hate that sound. If he were crying because he was hurt or scared, that would be one thing… but this? I’m just so tired of this. All we ever do is fight! About everything! Fight! Fight! Fight! Whine! Whine! Whine!
"Johnny stop crying, come here, and I’ll help you get dressed." Letting out another ear piercing screech, he throws himself on the floor. Gritting my teeth, I try to keep from grabbing him and making him get dressed. I wouldn’t have been given that luxury when I was little! My rotten little butt would have promptly met the business end of a hand, belt… whatever was handy. Is it right? No. Did it work? Most of the time it did.
"If you don't get over here right now, stop crying, and get dressed," I take a step closer, "I'm going to give you something to cry about. Instantly I Stopped and stared at my son in shock. Did that really just happen? Really?!
"Oh my God." I couldn't help but drop my eyes to the floor and turn away. I had done the unthinkable. I know he is being nothing but a rotten little brat right now, but holy shit. Holy fucking shit. I just reminded myself of my mother… God help me.
This is a memory, but is it a memoir? This semester that question seems to be coming up over and over.
ReplyDeleteHow old is this memory? Recent ones won't cut it for memoir. Whether old or new, putting it in the present tense convinces your reader that it is...present, not past, so I'd say that is a misstep.
I like the way it opens and then takes a small step back to show how we arrived at that first moment and then picks that moment up again in detail at the close and shows us the moment before the moment the piece opens with. And I like the very adult realization that we often learn despite our good intentions from people we might prefer to not learn from.
I'm not asking for a rewrite but I'm wondering if you have any thoughts on my comments.
Now that i actually think about it i see exactly what you are saying. This memory is not very old and the fact that it is in present tense makes it hard as well.
ReplyDeleteTo be perfectly honest, i was actually pretty happy about this when I posted it, but now when i read it it sounds as though i was trying to hard...
I think I will try a re-write.